My 10 Year Challenge
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In a nutshell, I’m writing weekly newsletters full of truth, honesty, and curiosity in an effort to build a community of Real Life Sharers who are brave enough to speak their truths and fight stigmas. LET’S GO.
Today I’m going to take it way back to 2009.
Recently, there was a viral trend going around Facebook called the “10 Year Challenge.” The idea was to show the difference ten years makes by posting side by side photos of one’s self. I really enjoyed seeing friends and family post their 2009 vs 2019 photos. Many posted inspirational stories along with their photos about physical transformations or major life changes. Some folks even looked unchanged or younger.
But when I thought about posting a side-by-side of myself in the same way, I hesitated.
The 10 Year Challenge gave me pause because 2009 was one of the worst years of my life. I may have looked like a fun-loving, outgoing 21-year-old on the outside, but inside I was deeply depressed. So, in lieu of posting photos that only show what the outside world might have seen, I decided to write my 2009 self a letter of hope.
Dear 21-year-old Me,
I hope you’re doing okay. But the truth is, I know everything is awful and it feels like you’ll never dig out of the dark black hole of depression you are in. I know the pain you’re in, because I feel it now too. We’re in this place together, okay?
I remember how it felt to lay in bed all day after recklessly drinking your way down the Main Street bars, trying to find someone - anyone - who would comfort you and help fill the void in your soul left by the death of your brother in 2008, only one year ago. Our brother, Jake. For you, the sharp grief is still so raw, so biting, with prickly, jagged edges. It feels all consuming - somehow, it’s both numbing and stabbing simultaneously. Ten years later, the pain is softer, but still cuts deep and takes my breath away at times.
You will never get over Jake’s death, despite some urging from those who have never known the pain of losing a sibling. You will simply learn to live with it, as a newer, different version of yourself. But you will feel better, one day soon.
Remember that funny guy Josh you met at the party down the street? I know you’re too sad to be with him, or anyone right now. But in five years, that man will become your husband. You’ll be married on a beautiful lake at sunset, in front of all your friends and family, on the most perfect September evening. He will love you unconditionally, despite your sadness. He will help lift you out of the dark. At times, you will wonder what you ever did to deserve him. And he will remind you that he’s been waiting for you his whole life.
Can I tell you what I’m proudest of? I’m a mother. Savannah Jane is a rambunctious almost-two-year-old, so sassy and stubborn just like her Uncle Jake was. She’s got her dad’s sense of humor and dark hair, and my eyes and temper. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
I know you’re hurting. But I’d like to offer you some advice, even if you won’t take it now:
Stop being so critical of your body. Eat what you want, in moderation. Taste everything. Stop depriving yourself.
Stop drinking so much. Seriously, it’s terrible for you and won’t serve you.
Go to therapy! This will be the most important thing you ever do for your mental health.
Quit your job and become a writer. Or just write for fun. It’s what you love to do.
Stop judging people so much. It’s not a good look.
Practice self-care. You may be trying to do it now, but you will forget to do it for many, many years.
Sleep more. You’ll never have more time to sleep than you do right now.
Call and visit your family more.
Running is awesome. But don’t let it become your whole identity. You are more than a runner.
Love yourself unconditionally.
Here’s the thing. You WILL get better, soon. Josh and therapy and new friends will bring you back to a good place - a place you thought you could never get back to. But you will still have bad days, weeks, and months in the future. And that’s okay.
Live your life with intention, and don’t ever wish you were anywhere or anyone else.
Take care,
31-year-old Me
As I finished writing my letter to my former self, I had a stunning realization.
The list of advice I wrote to my 21-year-old self are all the things I need to remind myself to practice RIGHT NOW, everyday.
The truth is, I think I knew all these things in 2009. But it’s so easy to forget to practice the things that we intuitively know, and slip into the habits and routines that come easier to us, whether we’re suffering from depression or not. It’s easier to stay up watching TV instead of getting 8 hours of sleep. It’s easier to pour another glass of wine instead of actually feeling your feelings. And it’s easier to find flaws in your body or mind than to fully accept yourself for who we are. Because that’s the way we’ve always done it. And we will keep doing it unless we make real life changes.
So recently I’ve been putting in the effort, and doing the hard work to be the best version of myself. It’s pretty disruptive and uncomfortable, but I’m seeing big changes in my mental health and well-being. I can’t wait to share more details here soon. 21-year-old me would be so proud.
Despite all of these changes, I know I’m going to have to come back to my list ten years in the future to remind myself of what makes me feel my best. And I know that doesn’t include spending all weekend watching Netflix and drinking wine.
But it does include sharing my stories with you lovely folks. So I hope that this letter resonates with you, and helps you remember to give your former self a break, and your future self a little grace. Because we all need reminders sometimes.
See you next Friday!
My ultimate goal for LSORL is to build a community of Real Life Sharers who are brave enough to speak their truths and fight stigmas.
I’d love to hear what you thought of this edition, so please feel free to share your thoughts or your own story with me by hitting reply.
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