Well, it’s been about a year since I last published this newsletter and it feels like time to begin sharing creatively again. I’ve just celebrated 15 months of sobriety (!) and thought I would share this piece with folks who have been following my journey since 2019.
The piece below was originally published in May 2021 as an affirmation through Tempest, a sobriety support organization that I belonged to last year. After experiencing some rough times with Tempest, including their silencing queer folks and firing two of the most beloved coaches in the community, I decided to leave along with a slew of other members. However, I am proud of this affirmation, and wanted to make sure it was not limited to the community I used to be a part of.
The path that brought me to Walden Pond on a perfect spring day starts with me choosing sobriety.
I recently traveled to Boston on a business trip and found myself with a couple of hours to spare before my flight back to Philadelphia. I just so happened to be within two miles of Walden Pond, made famous by philosopher Henry David Thoreau, so I decided to make a quick visit to the glacial lake before heading to Logan airport.
After parking and furiously sending out some last-minute emails, I burst out of my rental car into a perfect New England spring day. I descended down a well-worn, one-way pedestrian trail that encircled the lake for about a half mile, trying to shake off the non-stop thoughts of to-do lists, unsent emails, and follow-ups.
Instinctively, I turned off the trail to a quiet, sandy shore, and stood witness to the beauty of the body of water that inspired a generation of philosophers. I knelt down and dipped my fingers into the frigid, clear-turquoise water, letting it wash away the distractions from my mind and worries from my heart. I closed my eyes and welcomed every ounce of abundant spring sunshine touching my pink winter skin.
Then I began to cry.
As the tears fell down my cheeks, gratitude and peace washed over me in abundance. I was so thankful for everything that had brought me to this moment, and pondered the alternative scenarios in my head.
Had I not been sober for this trip, I might have been suffering the effects of hangover that day, exacerbated by the effects of waking up very early for a 7 AM flight and driving around all day. If I had not chosen sobriety that day, I probably would have headed to the airport a couple hours early that evening in favor of downing some pre-flight drinks. I would have missed all of this wondrous beauty.
Instead, my path, both literally and figuratively, led me to one of the most beautiful pockets of nature on the East Coast. On that day, instead of dwelling on past negative experiences and beating myself up for times when drinking caused missed opportunities, instead of ruminating on the “what if’s”, “would-haves” and “could-haves,” I let myself sit in the moment at Walden and let nature wash over me, cleansing my sore heart.
I thought about my future, one that involved choosing nature and stillness over and over again, instead of escapism and numbing. I thought about the endless paths paved by my newfound sobriety.
And I thought, with a singular confidence that only sobriety brings: “My past does not define my path.”
The trail that brought me to the beach was one-way, just like our lives. There’s no going backwards, only forwards. So I hiked back to my rental car on a different trail — a new path — and left Walden with a sense of serenity and calm that I carry in my heart to this day.